I date so you can laugh about it later, part 2

Per my earlier post, my friend Erin met some dude at a bar last weekend and wants to set me up with him. After checking out his myspace profile, I have to be like WTF. She met this dude at a bar and though immediately of me and that we would hit it off?!?

Obvs I can’t link to his myspace page to illustrate this point (because that would just be cruel), but Katie helpfully summarized why no one who knows me would ever try to set me up with this dude. Enjoy!

1. Who the fuck actually uses a myspace layout editor? 12 year old girls, that's who.

2. He is going to City College. Is that the same thing as New College? It better not be.

3. His music list is long and in alphabetical order. This means that he copied every artist that appears on I-pod. So this isn’t a random sampling of his music, this is it. And that’s not a good thing.

4. He smokes.

5. All of his photos are with the same girl. Not single much?

6. He's 28. That's kinda young.

7. He wears dickies and a beanie. What are we in 1996??

8. From reading his friends comments, it appears his nickname is “PeeWee”. Is that in reference to him being tiny? His arrests for pulling the pud in a movie theater? Does he have a word of the day? A talking chair? I can’t think of a good reason why somebody would have that nickname.

9. He’s a member of myspace group called “O.I.C”. When you click to look at what it is, Myspace tells you “This group may contain materials of a mature subject matter. It is inappropriate for members under the age of 18. Do you want to proceed?”. I of course, clicked no because I don’t even want to know.

10. He’s a warehouse manager. Does that mean he’s as cool as the warehouse manager on “The Office”? If so, marry him now.
11. He likes the show “Lost”. Does he also like to light a Yankee candle, eat a carton of chunky monkey in the bath and gently cry himself to sleep?

12. He mentions in his myspace that he likes the pot. Who mentions that in a myspace profile??

13. His first interest is “Driving”. Like…to the store? I don’t get it.

14. He has a myspace music player (cause he just needs you to listen to music while you read about him) and one of the songs on it is by Interpol. Um, derivative much? How can one like Interpol that much, but not even list Joy Division on that huge list of music?

15. Who the hell downloads a Myspace music player anyways? See comment 1.

16. He wants to meet good people. Wow, how interesting. I mean, most of us love to just meet total assholes and then surround ourselves in them.

17. It’s hard to tell from his pictures, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s a Ginger. And you know how I feel about that.

18. I have real work to do. I can’t look at this douche anymore. I’m starting to hate myself almost as much as I hate him.

From now on whenever anyone wants to ask me out i am just going to give them Katie's contact info.


g kitten said...

katie: miss that bitch.

She-bible said...

I don't get this. I think he sounds just perfect for you.

Katie said...

Gabe: You don't have to miss me, I'm still here!