Fuck you hippies

Best weekend in SF every year is Burning Man weekend. All the hippies and burners are having gross sex with each other in the dessert leaving us blissfully void of their presence. It's like all the places we want to go in this city will be 20% awesomer this weekend. Thanks hippies now get the fuck out so I can enjoy the lack of you.

Crap knickers are not worth my time.

Shopping for cheap shit makes me cranky. It’s really hard to find stuff you like, and I’m not always in the mood to sift through lots of filler and tacky stuff (except for when it comes to thrift shopping for shoes and/or lingerie).Yesterday after work I had to go shopping for a cheap black bra to turn into a costume. This is my story.

I first went to Fredrick's of Hollywood because one of the girls in my burlesque class told me you can get not horrible really cheap stuff there and there’s one in the mall downtown (Who knew?? Not me). I checked it out and it was awful as predicted. Cheap cheap looking, ill fitting shit and the bras were still like $35 (is that cheap?). I tried on a couple and they did. not. fit. The sales girl kept coming over to the dressing room to insist they fit. I was like...it's too tight and is giving me armpit fat...and she was like right, but your boobs look great. And sure, the cleavage part looked fine but the rest of it was awful. I asked for the 38 D (34D – my size-no way, 36C still too tight) and she was like, "…that will be WAY too big" and didn't get it for me. So, yeah. I left. Ugh.

Next I stopped by Victoria’s Secret which I honestly haven’t been into since high school. Based on the catalogue that comes in the mail seemingly once a week (ugh again) I was expecting it to be super horrible and tacky. But…it wasn’t that bad. The store was clean, well staffed, and not over merchandised. They had their basic bras in a bunch of colors (almost all padded/molded “tee shirt” bras. God I hate those…my breast are *already* breast shaped, thanks) and some more fashion forward lines that were knock offs of Agent Provocateur and La Perla. At first I was really excited about this great dark blue corset/high waisted knicker/bra set with hot pink lacing/details that was actually really sexytime and fun and only $40 a piece. The color combination was great, and I was thinking it would look good on stage AND on my floor (key considerations for lingerie). But the fit. My god, the fit was so bad. The set did nothing for my figure. Like, didn’t hold up my tits, flatter my ass, or give me an hourglass figure (and that doesn’t take much because my waist is much smaller than my hips). I’ve probably just been spoiled lately thanks to Jen and the ladies at AP, but I am used to my lingerie helping me out and making shit work. Not so much at VS. Plus their basic black bras were like $40 for the cheapest and they weren’t any better than the Fredrick’s crap. No dice again.

This story is going on an on so sorry. I ended up at Gap body and bought a bra on sale for $13. Boring, basic, and I will never wear it again. Well, because it’s covered in tassels now and that's too much stuff getting in the way of my tits.


i don't remember any of this.

I found this half-written message in my oft forgotten "Drafts" folder with the subject - "Life + Style = Us". It's dated 01/15/2005. I think we met this dude at an art show? I maybe made up a different name while I was talking to him? I dunno.

Yo Buck.

Thanks again for the wine and the art narrative. Brook and I had a lovely time debating paper cut outs and elephants for the rest of the evening.


Jungle Fever

Dudes, I've been practicing so hard for this and haven't been out in soooo long...but here's the update:

Obvs you know you can see my tits/made up awesome dance moves anytime you want for free...still...come see me dance with the Burlesqueteers and make my solo debut with a hopefully hilarious AND sexy Jungle themed routine. The show at Stagewerx should be a riot.

Let's lure some boys with the promise of titties, then make them buy us drinks?


See you there.


Knickers forever...

I just got back from a nice ass long vacay, and plan to get a-bloggin again soon. Bu this couldn't wait...it's just come to my attention that Agent Provocateur is having 50% off sale online (not sure if it's in the store, too) so all you ladies should treat yourself to something nice. I'm probably going to get the Gangsta in Red and the Talma set.

The Talma seems really nautical to me, and will go perfectly with the vintage anchor necklace Katie gave me while I was in Portland.