on poo and kittens

JF: I am going to start signing my name like this…fÔft

KK: um, okay. You've got a lot of time on your hands.

JF: yup.

KK: I'm spending my time making a powerpoint presentation about my self. read about what I have to do:
…a 5-10 min presentation on your educational background and how that fits into the typical US PhD

JF: can you do it funny? like at all...?

KK: I don't know!! Its going to be a bunch of euros and I'm not sure they will get my humor? Like if I'm all "I got into graduate school cause I wore a really low cut shirt to the interview??"

JF: maybe sneak in funny science jokes? or cartoons? or pictures of kittens doing science experiments?

KK: please find me pictures of kittens doing science experiments.

JF: surprisingly this is a challenge...i've searched:

kitten in lab coats

kitten doctor

kitten scientist

kitten laboratory

kitten medical

and so far this is the best picture I can find. It's unrelated, though. still lols.

KK: ah shit. I just almost peed my pants.

JF: yeah it's so cute because the lil guy just looks so...sad...about it :(

JF: ok now I just found a website of mutant kittens and had to look. so sad now! going to read I can haz cheeseburgers now kthxbai!

KK: Yeah, I was afraid I was going to find photos of kittens that had experiments done ON them. Peta shit and what not.

KK: BTW, why doesn't my dog have a lab coat? I've got to get on that...

JF: omg dr jack! or Murse jack?

KK: my dogs a gay, so he would obviously be a murse.

JF: you can get him a lil fanny pack with supplies in there? and scrubs with other dogs on them?

KK: And he can wear the lil foot booties so he stops tracking mud into the house. and he'll wear a stethoscope.

KK: Jack got poop on my coat last night. I sat down on the couch and he hopped on my lap, and then when he moved there was poo on my coat. I had to bathe him and then I shaved his butt hair with E's clippers. Don't tell him.

JF: oh your secret is safe with me. just one more thing for you and i to crack up about when E does something and he has no idea what's happening. we leave him befuddled.

KK: please submit to Foggy monocle. I need reinforcement that we are funny

JF: we maybe need to make it sluttier than that? or more about drugs? like how last night M and I drank manhattans with liquid codeine floats and I woke up next to him naked but we didn't have the sex. (true story)

EDIT FROM KG:

It might be funny if the convo ended with:

JF: well, you shaved your dog's butt with your husband's clippers. My night was about codine floats on my manhattans and waking up naked but unsexed next to M.

KK: How are even still BFF?

JF: Cause you still love the condeine float?

KK: Its the truth.

Or, on another note, we could mention that those are the clippers that E uses to clip his balls (for reals).

defined

today on sfist:

A hipster is somebody you don't like who goes to the same places you do.

nice.

In no particular order...

Last night I:

Went to a bar wearing yoga pants and 3.5 inch eelskin heels
Met Marlena (of Marlena’s)
Drank a scotch flight
Drank a mini chartreuse flight
Ate crab
Talked to my brother on the phone for a half hour
Painted my nails light grey
Made ‘stay in, eat pizza, watch a movie’ date for tonight
Knocked over and broke a bell jar and cut my ankle
Floated liquid codeine into a manhattan

things stay the same but get better...

I just sent this text to RCaley:

Listening to TILT at work, wearing chucks. Been going on dates with a boy who has a Jonathan Fireeater tattoo. I am living 15 year old me's idea of adulthood.

Once again, raise your hands if you HAVEN'T seen my tits.

Hopefully someday I'll get to text a special someone "You can cross 'bang a lingerie model' off your list."

Unfortunately, it won't be this month because I just turned down what sounded like an awesome invitation to be a live model at Lille boutique's "Treat Yourself Right" event on the 13th. I have other obligations that weekend and it's kind of short notice but I think the Dr might be offering up her sweet titties for a good cause.

Even though I won't be there, maybe still check out the blog because it's really one of my favorite shops (lingerie or otherwise). The selection is impeccable and the shopgirls (Sarah and Sara) are super friendly, helpful, and knowledgeable.

http://www.lifeinlingerie.com/

Zoya nail polish exchange

Zoya is having a great promotion where you can send in your old nail polishes (any color, brand, doesn't matter if they are used or even empty!) and exchange them for new polish of your choice. This is really great because this brand is free of Toluene and Formaldehyde. Basically you can exchange your old crappy, chemical laden ones for newer, more environmentally friendly colors.

You do have to pay shipping to send the old ones to them, and it's $3 per bottle for the shipping and handling, but Zoya is usually $8 a bottle, so that's a great deal.

I don't have too many superfluous bottle of poilsh around because I tend to give them away to friends if the color doesn't suit me, but I am sending a few in. If you girls have any polishes lying around that you don't want, get them to me in the next few weeks and I'll mail them in with mine and give you the new ones in return. I'll work on posting some of my favorite colors/recommendations soon...

The link:

http://www.zoya.com/exchange/

I date so you can laugh about it later, part 2

Per my earlier post, my friend Erin met some dude at a bar last weekend and wants to set me up with him. After checking out his myspace profile, I have to be like WTF. She met this dude at a bar and though immediately of me and that we would hit it off?!?

Obvs I can’t link to his myspace page to illustrate this point (because that would just be cruel), but Katie helpfully summarized why no one who knows me would ever try to set me up with this dude. Enjoy!

1. Who the fuck actually uses a myspace layout editor? 12 year old girls, that's who.

2. He is going to City College. Is that the same thing as New College? It better not be.

3. His music list is long and in alphabetical order. This means that he copied every artist that appears on I-pod. So this isn’t a random sampling of his music, this is it. And that’s not a good thing.

4. He smokes.

5. All of his photos are with the same girl. Not single much?

6. He's 28. That's kinda young.

7. He wears dickies and a beanie. What are we in 1996??

8. From reading his friends comments, it appears his nickname is “PeeWee”. Is that in reference to him being tiny? His arrests for pulling the pud in a movie theater? Does he have a word of the day? A talking chair? I can’t think of a good reason why somebody would have that nickname.

9. He’s a member of myspace group called “O.I.C”. When you click to look at what it is, Myspace tells you “This group may contain materials of a mature subject matter. It is inappropriate for members under the age of 18. Do you want to proceed?”. I of course, clicked no because I don’t even want to know.

10. He’s a warehouse manager. Does that mean he’s as cool as the warehouse manager on “The Office”? If so, marry him now.
11. He likes the show “Lost”. Does he also like to light a Yankee candle, eat a carton of chunky monkey in the bath and gently cry himself to sleep?

12. He mentions in his myspace that he likes the pot. Who mentions that in a myspace profile??

13. His first interest is “Driving”. Like…to the store? I don’t get it.

14. He has a myspace music player (cause he just needs you to listen to music while you read about him) and one of the songs on it is by Interpol. Um, derivative much? How can one like Interpol that much, but not even list Joy Division on that huge list of music?

15. Who the hell downloads a Myspace music player anyways? See comment 1.

16. He wants to meet good people. Wow, how interesting. I mean, most of us love to just meet total assholes and then surround ourselves in them.

17. It’s hard to tell from his pictures, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s a Ginger. And you know how I feel about that.

18. I have real work to do. I can’t look at this douche anymore. I’m starting to hate myself almost as much as I hate him.

From now on whenever anyone wants to ask me out i am just going to give them Katie's contact info.